my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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