I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
