The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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