I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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