that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
