apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
