the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
