i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
