Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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