i jhust puked up my retainher.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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