you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
