i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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