I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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