...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
