Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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