Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
