thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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