White coat. Heels.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
