Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
