I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
