Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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