Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
