The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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