Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
