Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
