I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
