I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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