i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
