She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
