Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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