His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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