My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
