Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn