we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?