THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.