Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
