If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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