he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
