Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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