I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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