She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
