Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
