My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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