He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
