I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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