Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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