Moan for me like Helen Keller
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We have started to decorate penises.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
