I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
