I got chris browned last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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