Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
