Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
