How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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