Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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