Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
