That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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