so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
