Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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