I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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