I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
