It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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