We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
