i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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