Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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