Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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