So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
